Most of the time when I feel particularly uneasy with situations, I tend to tense up and become quiet. This holiday season that same situation happened. Whether it would be quarrels with family or situations that lead to impulsive and irrational decisions (the details are none of your concern), I find myself making these moves to remove myself from the equation that more than sometimes leads to more trouble.
For instance, take the shows I preform. A mistake so little takes place and I become a control freak and become overly zealous over my emotions leading to impulses that effect other people: my wife, my band, the manager of the venue, etc. Such things can keep me from moving forward not only in my mind and my heart, but the future that God has intended for me. I desire for everything to go right, but lets face the music, there will always be mistakes made and miscommunications made on my part or the other party.
I have begun to realize that I do not surrender no matter how much I sing it. To give to God whole-heartedly is to give everything to the author and creator of our life. On December 16th we played at a local venue in Dallas. The times we were given to play were not reflected in a way that I (the man who lacks to surrender) wanted them to leading to agitation which led my mind into a battlefield of analytical contempt and brute frustration. I felt I had a lot up against me: a frustrated band member caused by my lack of communication, no band practice since October sometime, wrong times, rushed pre-show errands, and a lack in equipment. To make a long story short we ended the night with one of the better shows we’ve played in months along with a number of people to see us. In conclusion, I freaked out over nothing.
The time I have been spending in Arizona has been not so much rejuvenating, but detoxifying. It’s not only till after the detox do I start to feel better about myself. On Monday following Christmas I will be back in Dallas. Until then I wish everyone good tidings of great joy.
